As your dancer starts to get more serious about ballet, there are three important questions you should be asking. These are not only important to ask as they’re getting started, but also throughout the course of your dancer’s training. 

First, what does your dancer want out of ballet? Second, is your dancer willing to give up normalcy in pursuit of ballet? And, third, how do I tell if my dancer is good enough? Answering these questions will also help your dancer choose the path they want to follow.

What Does Your Child Want Out Of Ballet?

It’s essential that you understand what your child wants out of dance.

For most kids, it’s simply a great extracurricular activity. But, for some, it’s the vocation they want to pursue. We can’t emphasize enough how important it is to ask your child this question. And, ask frequently because the answer could change as they get older.

Even with my son in a second company, I regularly ask him if this is still the path he wants to go down. Also, it can change in an instant. Kids get injured, they decide they want to have a typical high school experience or they get assessed out of a company affiliated school and decide it just isn’t worth it to continue. Or, they just get burned out. 

We’ve seen dancers leave large programs, mid-year, because they’re just done. We’ve even seen trainees at large, company affiliated schools decide to hang up their shoes and go to college. 

And, none of these are bad decisions. It’s what worked for that particular kid at that point in time. One thing you’re going to hear from us over and over is that you’re a parent first and a manager of a ballet dancer second. Ballet often ends. Parenting doesn’t.

One note – it’s so important that these decisions come from your child, not you. I’m sure you’ve all seen those sports parents who are reliving their high school glory days through their kids. We’ve seen it in ballet as well. 

You absolutely cannot want your dancer to have a professional career more than they do. 

Here’s the problem: if dancers are dancing for their parents and not for themselves, it can lead to emotional damage.

It was not uncommon for Sam to hear this: “I want to quit but I know it would crush my parents.” 

I also see Facebook posts from parents with kids who gave up ballet. They use words like empty, devastated and despondent. Really? We can understand being sad because it was probably a pretty special time in the life of your family. And, if your dancer was serious, it probably meant that it was the thing around which your family revolved. And, it was a special time. But, your dancer likely stopped for a good reason. And, remember, you’re the adult. Maybe you are “devastated,” but think how your child will feel if they see that reaction from you.

So, don’t be devastated. Be hopeful. Be supportive. Be optimistic that the next steps for your child may be even better than when they were dancing.

Are They Willing To Give Up On Being A Normal Kid?

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. If your child wants to become a professional dancer, they are not a normal kid. It requires a level of focus and maturity at such a young age, that most kids simply can’t or don’t want to sign up for. 

However, if you do have that kid – the one who always wants to be at dance, always wants to take more classes, always talks about dance- here are some things to consider.

First, does your dancer feel peer pressure about missing stuff? Over the years, Your kids will miss birthday parties, sleepovers and maybe even their high school prom. “Sorry, I have dance” is going to be the standard reply to most invitations.

Some kids don’t see it as “missing out.” Others do. Like everything, there are trade-offs. Only your own child knows where the line is for them.

The other conflict that will likely come up is whether or not your dancer is willing to drop other extra curricular activities. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen posts on Facebook from well-intentioned parents who are trying to get advice on how their child can “do it all.” The short answer is that they can’t. At a certain point, ballet training will supersede most everything else in terms of outside activities. 

According to the Datapointes Guide, a report recently published that outlines some of the most common paths to a professional career, to have a chance at a professional career, you really have to do at least one of these three things: 1. Go to multiple summer programs, 2. Attend a training program in a major metropolitan city, or 3. Leave or reduce regular school to train. 

And, the most likely path involves all three of these things. So, it doesn’t leave much time for other stuff. And, if your dancer does try to “do it all,” there is a strong chance it could lead to burnout.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Well, my kid is different.” Or, you’ve got friends who claim that their kids can do it all. There are certainly outliers to this, but most dancers have to give up having a normal teen life in order to train the way you need in order to have a career. 

The last thing that will happen is your dancer will probably need to leave brick and mortar school and transition into a non-traditional high school. In a future blog post, we’ll go into more detail about the various types of non-traditional education that is out there. 

But, the short version is that you should assume that your dancer will probably be doing some form of non-traditional high school by 10th or 11th grade.

Are They Good Enough To Dance Professionally?

This is where your dancer’s ballet studio comes in. We have a blog post that goes more in-depth on this topic. So, rather than rehash what we said in that post, let’s talk specifically about ballet studios and how they fit into this. Most ballet teachers and studios have your child’s best interest at heart. They really want to see dancers succeed. The key here is that they want your dancer to have success relative to what your dancer wants out of ballet. 

This is why it’s so important to view your studio as a partner rather than as a service. I’ve heard parents say “I’m paying good money for ballet. My kid should be getting better casting, more attention, more praise, etc. By implying that your child’s ballet teacher is merely a service provider, it changes the balance of power and puts the teacher in a difficult spot. 

If you change that relationship to being partners, you can have far more honest conversations about your child. And, the first honest conversation you should have is the one that happens right after your child says they want to dance professionally. 

When Sam told us he wanted to dance professionally, the first person we talked to was his first ballet teacher, Jorge Esquivel. Jorge danced for the Cuban National Ballet and then, after defecting from Cuba, made his way to the San Francisco Ballet. He told us that Sam had the facility to have a professional career. 

But he also gave us a reality check. Sam was still pretty green as a dancer. Jorge told us that his turnout wasn’t great and that his technique needed a LOT of work. And, he needed to toughen up. He said that if Sam fixed all of those things, he could potentially have a career. That was a LOT of fixing! Even though it threw us for a bit of a loop, that advice was fantastic because it was honest

I’m also aware of conversations that other parents had with the teachers at our home studio where the parents were told that a professional career probably wasn’t in the cards. The teachers weren’t trying to be mean. They just didn’t want that family to invest huge amounts of money and time chasing something that probably wasn’t going to happen.

You’re probably wondering why teachers wouldn’t tell every family that their kid could become a professional dancer. Show me a studio that did that and I’ll show you a studio that went out of business. Why would you send your child to a studio where everyone is told they’re going to be a star. All that does is set unrealistic expectations and leads to the inevitable letdown.

Forging a path toward becoming a professional dancer is a tough one. Hopefully, by continuing to ask your dancer the questions we discussed, it might be just a little smoother!